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But the main flaw to my ears seemed to be that the music just sounded flat, that no one had played particularly up to par.It sounded nothing like our previous live shows, even the singing sounded flat and listless, as if something was missing and they were just going through the motions. The less I say of their replacement bass player, the better. His playing made me nostalgic for the MR's first original bass player, the one who just banged the root note repeatedly for every song.My own opinion notwithstanding, most of the music critics loved the record anyway. It peaked at number eighteen on Billboard and I assumed my friends were now rolling a bit in the filthy lucre!Right now they were just starting a short spring tour to promote the new album at a select number of dates, mostly big cities with at least a couple of days between shows. The tour seemed to be going ok, and the album was getting good airplay on the independent college radio circuit and the CD still seemed to be. That I’d come home feeling the same uncertainty and emptiness that always followed an evening with Jake. But I had to hope. I needed there to be a chance that tonight could be different. That tonight we could move forward. Because, if we didn’t it meant I’d been used. It would mean that I’d fallen for the same play again. And the cycle would keep repeating itself. I needed that hope, Unwarranted and blind hope that the scrawny, dark haired boy smiling that smile really did care for me. And that I wasn’t the dumb girl who was there when he needed someone to console him, or someone to fuck. The car ride felt odd. Normally Jake talks a lot, about himself or his music, but tonight he seemed distracted. He had the look of someone running a conversation through his head over and over. That look of concentration people get when they’re stealing themselves to do or say something important. It gave me goose bumps, seeing him with that look. Because I started doing the same thing. Picturing.
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